I should have written this when it came to me because it was so clear then, but it’s about my dad and Christmas. As I have said before, my dad grew up poor, very poor. So poor he didn’t have any shoes at times so he went to school with no shoes, where the kids made fun of him for that. These kinds of things I never heard my dad talk about or throw in our face but my mom told me stories. He actually did walk many miles to school, through fields, and yes sometimes barefoot. His school is still in use today as in elementary school. His dad wanted him to drop out and help at the farm but he refused and graduated and then joined the navy to get the hell out of there. After he got out of the navy, he met my mom, which is a story of it’s own, and eventually got married. We never had “everything we wanted” growing up but we always had everything we needed. I always had a bike and at Christmas we always got something nice even if my folks did not. My dad didn’t have anything growing up so he always make sure we did. Us kids and he always were up early waiting on my mom to get up so we could open presents and he took great pleasure watching us do so. One of the things we made peace about was this type of thing and I made sure he knew I appreciate it. I miss you dad, especially the times before you went down hill.
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And now I remember what’s going on….. Driving back from NC last week I encountered this place called Virginia. It was different than usual because I was coming from a different place, Rockingham, NC. Usually I’m on I-95, or I-77 then I-81. This time I was taking US-29 up to I-81. From Rockingham, I-73 to US-29 equals no stopping at all through NC and a lot of VA. In VA, I started getting memories of kid-hood with my dad. My dad traveled most of the time and sometimes during the summer, he would smuggle me along. We went to Danville, VA and I got my boot stuck in the railroad crossing. I remember being so scared I was gonna get hit by one of the machines. It came right out. We had a bomb threat at a motel up there and my dad gave me my first beer. A Rolling Rock! I think that may have been a couple of years later because I doubt he would have given me one when I was under 10, but I wouldn’t really put it past him. One early morning, I was mostly asleep while my dad was driving to Hurt, VA. The song “Love Hurts” by Nazareth was on. I thought it said “love Hurt” talking about Hurt, VA. I was a stupid kid sometimes. He used to hide me in the truck when his boss came around. Kids get so scarred when they’re doing sneaky things like that. My dad died a year ago last week, I guess that’s why he was so much on my mind. As I approached Liberty University, I thought I might literally burn up right there. I pondered why any kid would want to go there and I thought about how much pain Jerry Falwell has brought to so many people over the years. Another pondering, radio is the worst ever in that part of the state. All religion, conservative talk, and country. I’m glad I had my own tunes and talk. In case you didn’t know, my dad was a mechanic. He worked for the railroad and traveled with the gangs that replaced the cross-ties under the rails between Washington and Atlanta. There were about 25 to 40 large machines that went along the tracks each doing a different job. He kept all these running properly.
I took a very short trip to North Carolina this week, saw some family and friends, and met a pig. This is Petunia, my brother and his girlfriend’s new pig. It is a pig…. It was the one year anniversary of my dad’s death this week and I am very impressed with how well my mom is doing. We did the Thanksgiving thing with family on Sunday, did some home repair stuff on Monday, visited my dad’s grave on Tuesday, and visited Ray and Tommy Tuesday night. It’s strange, on the way home Wednesday, I had a hundred ideas of things to write about when I had the chance, but right now, not one is coming to mind. On second thought, my family is awesome. I am thankful for them all, even the one who is fucking up royally right now. Thursday, Duncan fixed the great Thanksgiving feast and I love him and am also thankful for him as well as all my friends
My mom came up last week and to tell the truth (that’s for you Duncan) I was a little worried something would go wrong, falling or something. It actually was a nice time. She first flew into Boston and spent several days with my cousins and aunt and uncle, her brother. My Aunt Evelyn is not doing well. She has had several physical injuries over the past few years and is now suffering from Alzheimer’s. She didn’t know who my mom was the first day but after that, they had a good time drinking wine and hanging out with my cousins. My Uncle Bill is also not doing that good. He can’t cook for himself and Evelyn always did the cooking but she can’t do that anymore either. My poor cousins seem to be bearing the brunt of the work. Besides having physical issues, my uncle is also starting to have mental issues. It really upset my mom after spending 9 years with my dad going down hill. Got to hang out with my cousin Karen for the first time ever. She is 67 so she was in her 20’s living in Massachusetts when I was born. She pretty cool. After several days there, I picked her up and she spent several days here. We spent most of the time road tripping and talking. One night we went to the track and one night we went to see Leslie Uggams at Capital Rep and it was surprisingly good. She’s from Mom’s day and she put on a “life story” jazz show that was spectacular. I’m glad to see my mom, who is 85 doing so well. My dad died the Monday before Thanksgiving and she broke her arm and messed up her knee the Monday after Thanksgiving. I last saw her Christmas and she has improved 1000%. She had to put a lot on the back burner for a while and it’s good to see her being so active these days. My brother had a cut that got infected and it almost killed him. He was in the hospital for 5 days…..please use your Neosporin. Because I have a rod in my leg, I often get pulled for extra screening at security at airports. When I brought my mom to the airport, I went through my first enhanced pat down. I don’t have a stick up my butt so it didn’t bother me but to someone who is sensitive, I could see how it could bother them. They touch, rub, and grab EVERY part of your body, including going down in your waistband. A cute TSA boy is a plus. And by the way, since 9-11, I didn’t think you could go past security if you didn’t have a ticket but in special circumstances, you can get a gate pass…i.e., with kids or escorting and elderly person. MTV is 30 and Nina Blackwood is almost 70!
This is the first Father’s Day since my dad died and quite frankly, I know Frank is doing a lot better these days but I do miss him sometimes. Whenever I see an old guy who looks like he could use a little help, I think of him and it can break my heart. Whenever I see an old couple together, you can tell when the man has given over the main duties to the wife that used to be purely his, you know, like driving or even paying for stuff. I can tell when and old guy comes into the store and needs help but really doesn’t want to ask because he never had to before. I always help them with just an extra little bit of courtesy because I would hope that’s how someone did my dad once, make them know I would do the same for anyone, not just them. I went to Target to buy a baby card last week for someone and saw the Father’s Day cards and really just about lost it. Dad, we all miss you, even that damn Zoe dog of yours…and I think the Braves aren’t totally sucking this year. Updates have been very infrequent for the last year and even more so the last several months, just doesn’t seem like anything’s worth mentioning. My dad died the Monday before Thanksgiving and we buried him that Wednesday on what would have been my folk’s 61st wedding anniversary. The service was beautiful and the line of visitors went down the block. My dad has been dealing with dementia for 10 years now and it had gotten worse over the last two or three. This has been my mom’s biggest priority for a long time. He did not have Alzheimer’s disease but it had taken its toll on his dignity as well as his physical well-being. I let my dad go a while back. I talked to him frequently on the phone but lately it could be exhausting. Besides having to yell into the phone, after a couple of minutes, he would be asking the same questions again and we would go around in circles. My dad and me were at peace and although his death was sudden, I was ready for it. I have grieved for him for several years already. He loved his live music on Tuesdays and karaoke on Thursdays. He loved breakfast at CJ’s with his buds and he loved his wife and kids. (and that freaking dog) He loved corny jokes and didn’t mind being the butt of one. He probably didn’t completely understand me but that’s OK, he tried. He was 87. He loved to go see my uncle’s band and my uncle told me at his funeral that nobody sat at his table but he could tell that “Frank was there”. This is actually the first day since I got back from North Carolina that I’ve actually had time to think about it actually. Between work, being sick, and other issues happening, my brain has not decompressed. My mom broke her arm a week later but she’ll be fine. It was a clean break. My dad went the way he wanted. Not in a hospital or nursing home. He got out of bed, fell on the floor, and died. Thanks for everything dad, I know where you came from. I love you. Me and Dad went to breakfast this morning. He doesn’t remember. Added a little to the vacation and swung by the folks for a couple of days. My mom is doing well considering all; she has an infection in her foot that was originally misdiagnosed as gout. They have started her on anti-biotics and she’s doing much better. My dad is the same. He asked me 5 times in the last hour how old Casey was and after a long family dinner, I drove him home and a few minutes later, he asked me if I had eaten anything today. He can remember old stuff really good but his short term is about gone. On the phone, it’s, “When are you coming down?” even though I was just down there. “I gotta mow the yard today” even though he won’t or hasn’t but he will say he just did. It can get really frustrating even though he really hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t know how my mom does it. Had dinner with all the family tonight and had a great time. Those kids just keep growing up….miss all of them. Mom: When did we get Gypsy? (one of their dogs) Dad: Rob (my brother) had him when we got married. My folks were married 9 years before Rob was born Mom says something about my dad’s father. Dad: You never meet my dad did you? They were married almost 30 years before he died. So I take that back about him remembering old stuff really well. Dad: When are Iggy and John going to Macon? Mom: We’re ALL going to Macon! Don’t you remember? Dad: I’m not going to Macon Mom: Well, you can stay here by yourself; I’m going to Macon. Mom: You don’t EVER want do anything I want to. Dad: You don’t want to do anything I want to do.’ Mom: You don’t want to do anything except go up to CJ’s every night to listen to the bands…and I go with you plenty. Mom: He told me last week I don’t ever go and I had just been 4 times. Rick: Don’t get me involved. Mom: We’re going to Macon Mom and Dad are arguing again….it’s funny. And my mom will be pissed off and he won’t remember anything
I was lovin some Lupies while in Charlotte….
…and we went to see Wicked while in New York. OMG! Still can’t get Defying Gravity out of my mind. OH! It’s been such a long time since the last blog entry. Since then, I have traveled to North Carolina and back and really had the greatest time seeing so many friends and family though I must admit, it can be quite exhausting. My mom is doing so well and my dad even seems to be doing a little better but not by much. He does seem to take his medicine without any argument now but anything else is like pulling teeth. My mom is a rock….a crazy rock. My niece and nephews are growing up so fast as well as every other kid in my life….SLOW DOWN WHY DON’T YOU!!! A couple of days were detoured spent at the hospital while my aunt recovered from a drug reaction where I (we) thought she was gonna die. I think my mom had prepared herself, my aunt was literally out of her mind. She’s actually doing quite well now. My oldest nephew is officially an adult these days being a great dad and trying to have another….who’d thought? My other nephew just graduated and OMG! he is so much bigger than I am it’s crazy. He’s really a good kid but doesn’t know what he wants to do. My niece is freaking awesome. She came back with me and we went down to the city to see Wicked and sight-see a bit, had a great time and got to get to know her again. I had to work some that week so Duncan took her and his sister to Toronto and Montreal and had a blast I heard. My brother is awesome and I got to spend a good deal of time with him this time….I miss him. …..and lots of GOOD food! Still missed a lot of people I wanted to see but NC is a big state, but saw Ray, Tommy, Margaret, Luis, Joe, Chris, and Michael & Lara…love you all 2010 turned out to be the year we finally had air conditioning put in, and it’s a good thing too because it’s been the hottest summer we’ve had since we moved up here, sitting in it right now. Spent what has seemed like countless hours working on the front porch and now working on the back one but it doesn’t seen to have the same priority in my mind. Hiked up to the Kaaterskill Falls last weekend and did a small road trip to Vermont today. Other than that, work at work and work at home.
When I was a kid, my dad’s work boots were always sitting in the den whenever he was at home. He came home, took them off, and there they stayed until he left. They always seemed HUGE to me. Right now, my feet are bigger than his ever were but somehow, they don’t seem all that big. I wonder if little kids would think different. Now, my dad has a hard time cutting his own toenails. He talks about how he needs to mow the lawn but rarely does. Mostly that’s for my nephew. He doesn’t bathe much because he has a hard time in the tub and shower. On the phone, he ask me the same questions over and over. Sometimes he tells me stories from several days or weeks ago like they were yesterday. And he doesn’t wear work boots any more. On the lighter side, our new floor is done and it really looks good. I couldn’t be happier. I got to work in the yard today for the first time this year, planted a few new shrubs and all that spring yard cleaning stuff. And last but not least, Mexican Radio is coming to Schenectady. Me and Duncan love that place. |
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