Dreams can come true...Waking up suddenly in the morning, or in the middle of the night, can leave you with memories of strange thoughts and dreams. I started keeping a log of my dreams that I can recall when I wake up by keeping a note pad by the bed. Some of these entries were written in the morning and some in the dark in the middle of the night while half asleep, so excuse the grammar and syntax. My best friend died and I had to give the eulogy. (I woke up crying.) I was stuck in an elevator with Melissa Ethridge and the girl who played the weird mortician girl from Six Feet Under a couple of weeks ago who was also Melissa Ethridge's girlfriend. We had this great talk and I told her what it was all about. She gave me a autographed picture and it turned out we were visiting the same person in Roanoke VA. Dreamed I cut the yard in my underwear and then had breakfast with family. Next-door neighbor was visiting. New Mr. Hanky episode. Lived in house I grew up in and caught a baby squirrel in bedroom then caught in a box and set it free by the tree where the tire swing used to be. I live with the Addams Family. They're not so nice though. I have to go to school but I have to walk down the beltline. I'm not allowed to catch a ride and everybody is making fun of me. At least I must have slept some. I went to my parents in my jeep but in order to drive with the top down, I had to run behind it in a chariot like fashion. I could not figure out how I could run 65-70mph for 150 miles but still have a belly. I was at the Moran's house, some neighbors in the neighborhood I grew up in who were old at the time, but I was over at their house at the time and I was my age now and they died and I had to run from house to house to get help but everybody else was at the age I was when I grew up. There was more but I don't remember now. Of course it all made sense at the time. I was at the airport going through the metal detector, and as always, I had on my steel toe boots and it beeps so they want to search me. OK But then they strip search me and all I have on is my boots. Well the line is really backing up, so to make the line shorter, they ask everybody to strip and do a train. Well of course during the dream, all this makes sense. I don't remember any females there. Went to school on Veteran’s Day but it was closed. Was paid to rob Char-Grill by owners but it was one close to my house and really doesn’t exist. It was inside of a golf pro shop. They filled bag with monopoly money after I walked in with a shopping cart and toy oozy right past armed guards at the pro shop. I escaped through woods by foot and walked down I-40. Dreamed I lived with Paul Reiser and his mom died. Winona Ryder killed this girl and then took her identity but was caught by a man so she stabbed him. But then the monster from The Goonies came in and put her face in an open fire on this old grill and then pressed the side of her face on the grill until she was dead. We are all left with her standing by the grill with her face still cooking and sizzling. Sorry Winona. I teach UNIX, and do a dam good job. I got to be in the Gay UNIX Parade. Being tortured in some manner, I woke up panicked and screamed. My parents decided to come help out with my surgery and I was thankful. My dad's leg is broke so he has to hang it out the window as he drives. As they arrived, the whole front of their early 80's huge Buick (not their real car) had been crashed and my mom was sitting in a seat that was into the trunk while it rained all over her. I was on Scrubs. Dreamed I was at Dennis' (a friend who died last year) funeral. I was talking about him during his eulogy and told people he wore pink sox every day and an orange shirt on Friday's due to his religion. Neither true by the way. I was at the airport with my wife and some native African tribes were having a customary marriage ceremony. The way their love was tested was an approximately eight foot spear, about a half inch diameter, was put through the top of the man's head while it continued through to the woman's belly. If you lived through this, your love was real. And while this was going on, everybody was just walking by like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I was a 6th grade school teacher-voted best, and was the best. I had a lot of students come on to me. Very vibrant, liked to jump around a lot. Me and Jimmy (Duncan's niece's husband) tied up Scott (Duncan's brother) with tie downs on the back of the truck and then threw him in the river. Nobody cared. Picked up Jimmy at his house. Kaleb was loving Lawrence (Duncan's dad) and tried to suffocate him. I was working for Rob. (my old job) Ann's Day Care was infiltrated with roaches. They were all in bed. (Ann and all the kids) The bed was covered with roaches and I could not find the office number. They were all in the bed with the roaches. I don't even remember writing most of this much less understand it. Beth (Duncan's sister) and myself were doing computer desktop support on the phone on a stage at a store like Media Play. Our computers were down so we had to write everything down including all the customer's personal information. We saw 2 guys out in the store I haven't seen or thought of since high school. One guy's name was Michael and I suppose he was gay. I can't remember the other one at this point. Michael was wearing a long Liberace fur coat with a piano keyboard down the side with shorts and garters on his socks. Jim Hunt (governor of North Carolina) called and I told him everything that was wrong with state government. One and a half hour call. I was chewing food the whole time and he never told me why he called. I think he may have been campaigning for someone. #1 Duncan and myself went coupon shopping at old service stations, mostly Exxons, run by old men. They had their storage rooms open to the public-very dirty. We bought good stuff. #2 I chased a tiny, hairy pig with a face like a horse around the house. It started out the size of two marbles and grew to the size of a small dog by the time I caught it. #3 There is a picture of Kaleb on my desktop. But it is not actually a picture, she lives inside of my monitor and just does not move a lot. Who knew? Busy night... I found Doug (best friend at one time during Jr. High) on a search engine but lost it by hitting the back button and never found it again. It was a picture I had taken when we were kids. A three headed little boy killed himself while doing a comedy act on TV. He had each head through a hole in the curtain. He used a gun. He was unhappy. I was Jack Nicholson. I was teaching my wife how to fly. We dragged the tail of the plane on the mountain but kept going. It was dark and foggy. Almost hit another plane. Landed at airport where these pods with two soldiers standing in them were taking off. The pods looked like double sized garbage cans. Jack Nicholson was drunk. His wife was mad because he was in a bar before the flight. This was a good one but I am forgetting it. Good night... A small girl was kidnapped by thugs. She tried to escape by climbing on monkey bars but they pulled her down screaming. The next scene she was tied to a picnic table with clothes line. She was covered with it. I tried to pull her out but they tackled me and beat me up. I woke up. Second dream, same night. I sent out a mass e-mail to friends but instead of blind carbon copying it to everyone, I only carbon copied it. One friend got real mad and cussed me. I then introduced his e-mail address to every porn site and mailing list I could find. I am at my high school reunion. There is no dancing, everyone is just lying around talking. Being gay was OK with everybody. It took place in a big house and everyone slept there overnight. Everyone slept in cots and we watched TV and just joked around. **I just learned a couple of days ago my reunion is in October. Coincidence, I think not. The dream makes me want to go just a little bit just because it made me think of some people I have not thought of in a while.** Swimming in ocean with Orlando Jones. He was trying to drown me. We were going under 20 feet and back to the top. I hid on a buoy. Orlando Jones drowned me. The Baldwins do the voices for Paddington Bear. Went to art school with my mom. While eating soup, two high school girls were surprised to learn that she was my mom. They thought I was her dad. That made me mad. I secretly had all the curbs replaced as well as repaved all the streets during the night. Me and Duncan were driving down the street and there was a family with giant ice cream cones playing in the road. I decided I wanted one and got out. I looked around and Duncan was doing donuts in a parking lot full of people with a cat hanging on the roof. I ran over and got in the back seat. Kaleb was hiding under the front seat. A lady got in the back seat with me. First a little history. The big news story around here last week was a ship that turned over in the Port of Albany. It was being loaded with 500,000 ton generators when it turned over leaving three dead. They are still trying to right the ship. Here is the clip from my notebook: Went to Beyonce Knowles concert with Bobby C*****. I haven't seen or hardly thought of this guy since high school. I don't know why he was there. We had front row seats and leaned against a piece of wood. Leonard Maltin showed up to sing a rebuttal song. Undoubtedly, she had sung a nasty song about him. They bought back my ticket for $11.00. I did not leave. I was in San Francisco marrying Duncan and Thom from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy was getting married also. He asked that we didn't tell anyone until afterward. We took a picture with him. Mom, grandma, and Kaleb were in a nursing home all in different beds beside each other. Duncan was taking care of mom and she looked like grandma. Duncan said Kaleb would turn gray when ever she would walk in. Second dream, same night. I was a stripper in a traveling Full Monty show. I have a very big wee-wee. Last night I sat up in bed- Last night, again, I sat up in bed- Went to Stewarts Shops (a local convenience store) to return change and popcorn for deposit. (In the northeast, you must return cans and bottles to get your deposit back) Had to count change so I could get deposit. Had to apply left over popcorn to cardboard using caramel so I could turn it in for deposit. By mistake, I threw trash at this big dude sitting at a booth so I had to be real nice to him so he wouldn't kick my ass. There was an alligator living under the front porch. Kaleb was in there barking at it so instead of getting the alligator out. I put up new wooden lattice to keep it in. I'm at some sort of auditorium or theater with my folks. My dad sees one of his old working buddies who is now working here. While they talk, I go find a bathroom. They are all full. I went to the Krispy Kreme to use theirs. The toilet was about 6 feet long and a couple of feet wide and resembled a coffin. I opened it and peed. At the same time, I peed for real for several seconds before I woke up and stopped. It took a few minutes before I realized what happened and got up and put on some clean underwear. I flew to Greensboro Airport. They always have some sort of show for you when you get off the plane. Today, Sharon Osborne was there with her live chicken show. Ozzie was not there. She would chase the chickens and there was also a donkey. I got behind a tree and shot it with a water gun. I kept doing it and it started chasing me around the tree. Duncan and I move to separate places in Charlotte for financial reasons but we are still together. He becomes friends with Thelma Lou and Barney from The Andy Griffith Show. Duncan started dating Thelma Lou while still with me and her still with Barney. He lives in a nice place with a Wal-Mart on one side and you have to walk through a turnstile to get to his apartment. Listening to the radio, I heard my good friend Tommy from North Carolina on a call in quiz show. He was a lawyer. The announcer asked some question about some $15,000 Christmas ornaments. Tommy answered the question correctly and won the $15,000 ornament. As Tommy listened to the announcer, he said, "I know you, we've done each other plenty of times". The announcer got really mad yelling, "How could you do this to me? I'm married!" The phone was hung up. They traced the call and called the number back but all they got was the answering machine at Tommy's law firm. It was so gay. I then woke up sweating to call him but didn't have his new number. I sat there sweating then Duncan woke up and asked me if I wanted some hot sweaty sex. I said later and tried to tell him about the dream. I was not really awake, I woke up later. Also, sometime during the dream, my friend Ray told me he was going to come to Schenectady to buy a new Hyundai because they were cheaper here. I said that is probably true but the taxes were much higher. He should watch out. I then woke up for real. Duncan and I were walking and he pointed out a lady who he said was a Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper journalist. I ran over to her and told her I was also a journalist. When she started asking me questions, I ran away. I went back later and told her the truth. Bea Arthur was a high altitude faith healer. She would bring patients up in an airplane and they would parachute out and she would heal them on the way down. Setup: Robert K was an old friend from college who I haven't seen since freshman year. Stevie B was a childhood friend who I haven't seen since 8th or 9th grade. Dream: I saw Robert at Stevie's house 20 years since I last saw him. He looked really good. He had wife and kid. I went home to get pictures from college and camera. He looked really good and he had his Masters in Weightlifting. My other friend Stevie really looked good too. We had to climb a really big hill to get to his house. His wife wanted to see old drunk pictures. He looked really good. (Notice how I keep thinking they looked really good because in real life, they didn't) I had a dream where I was falling from the sky. Before that I was throwing some machine down the stairs. It was asking me if I was the founder. I threw it down the stairs. Falling from the sky was very vivid. I used to want to go skydiving. I don't want to anymore. It seemed so real they say. If you hit in your dream, you die. It was very exhilarating. Someone was holding on to me. I was on American Idol. I was in the top 10. I actually made it without even singing. I just talked my way through it. I got a letter telling me I was in the top 10. I was nervous because I knew I would have to sing now. I was so excited I woke up. I saw Miss Peggy walking around on her back deck (she doesn't have a deck and she died in February). I called my mom out of the house to see. All of the sudden, she falls down dead and her kids catch her. Her body rises horizontally for a moment, then hardens up, shrivels up, and then falls to the ground. That's when I woke up. 2:58 PM (Not really, AM of course) Had a dream, met my dad and gave him a hug and he fell down. He got back up but went back down. I then woke up very sad. It is Thursday. (The whole next day I felt uncomfortable until I talked to my dad that evening.) Bill Weir (from Good Morning America) and another guy were doing a special report in Japan about old World War II bombs that were still aimed at the United States. They looked like big black bullets and this one said Albany on it. Bill Weir and the other guy were on a huge pedestrian suspension bridge over a "Grand Canyon" type thing. An earthquake hit and it started spinning around. One of them fell out while filming. The director went to black. I woke up. Me and Duncan were at a car wash restroom. I tried to wipe my butt but it kept looking like the first time I wiped it. It would not get clean. When I told Duncan about it, an employee was there. He said he had to report it to his manager. I ran. We were in a garage as he said he knows what he has to do. He says give me your stuff and I said no. Another guy from a motorcycle comes in and I run to the other side of this huge garage to get a gun. He pulls his gun and I pull mine. I shoot three times. The bullets go in slow motion. The third one hits. They all go in slow motion. I see the expression on his face as the bullet goes toward his forehead. It hits him. I then aim toward the motorcycle dude and shoot him. I used all six bullets. They are both dead I suspect. I run into the woods really fast and call police and hide until they get there. It started out with some home movies I bought on E-Bay about a lady from the 1940's who had a secret life. As it turned out, she was in WWII in some secret mission. I was watching the movies and listening to the stories told by her son. At first we were looking at the movies from the viewer's point of view. Two war planes flying over the ocean all by themselves. All you could see was ocean. All the sudden, I find myself on one of the planes and the other gets shot down. They were the size of skyscrapers and we were on a secrete mission. I watched the other as it's pieces fall to the ocean. I hear talk of Iraq. All the sudden, I was falling. All I could see was the remains of the other plane. I fell for a long time. I didn't ponder life or my loved ones or the hereafter. I thought about how much it would hurt. I was falling fast and I didn't want to hit the wreckage of the other plane in the water. I tried to divert myself. I woke up...I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. I felt as I left so much out as I got up to write this in the light as opposed to writing in the dark as I usually do. It's 4:30AM. I have to go to work soon. My heart is just beginning to slow down. Lame story from Mr. Curry's English class. (Don't know what this means. I found this entry at the beginning of my notebook.) I was on Jury Duty with Scott Foley. (Added Note: Scott Foley is looking incredibly hotter than even normal since he shaved his head for The Unit.) I did not know where I knew him from or what his job was. We just played disc golf together and we were buds. Was in the World Trade Center when it was destroyed. Spent all day roaming the city. Slept in Central Park. Finally walked across the Queensbury Bridge. Met a guy and messaged each other's feet and he gave me a ride home. My boss has been on vacation. When she came back, she weighed 250 pounds but was wearing the same clothes. Nobody said anything to her. At work, I was asked to bring a big box of potatoes in a paper towel box to the breakroom. My dad was sitting there. At first, he didn't recognize who I was. He eventually recognized me but didn't know how he got there. I sat there with him a while but woke up. Ran into my ex-sister-in-law (second one) at a job interview in Southern Virginia. I came out of the interview and she was waiting on one. She was sitting on a couch six inches from another lady. I sat down between them and worked my way in. She didn't seem so happy to see me. I hugged her but she didn't hug back. I went to eat at McDonalds after going to the library in the same town. There were no computers available because a crowd of people came right in before me. I ate at a stand up table but I was taller than the ceiling so I had to bend over. I exited through a long hallway into the rain. The alarm went off. As you turn onto the Great Western Gateway Bridge, as you turn right off Washington Ave from The Stockade, instead of going onto the bridge, you turned into a huge underground amusement park. It resembled a big red deep subway station. The road west went down to one lane where the food vendor carts were. To cross the bridge, you had to take the elevator or climb huge stairs. I was a news camera man. We were doing a story at a dairy in the middle of an urban neighborhood. We had to ask where it was. We heard boom boom boom. That's when Godzilla walked right up to us with the camera and looked at us. He moved on. I woke up. There were lockers all the way down Nott Street across from Union College for the students. A buddy lent me his keys which contained keys to some of the lockers. I decided to open them up and I took some things. No shoes, even though there were a lot of them. I put them in the tool box in the back of my truck. Even though I had my truck, I walked and took the long way home. My friend told me some lockers had been broken into. I told him I didn't know anything about it. The cops came to ask him questions. They interrogated him but he kept declaring his innocence. They arrested him and took him to the station. They started questioning me. I was innocent. He started pulling stuff from my truck and there were two medal grates which he pulled out. He said, are you sure you didn't steal anything? I said long and drawn out by five seconds. No.... I woke up. My sister-in-law Beth put up a giant elastic tennis net across a not too busy rural road. Mildly traveled but fast moving. She wanted to run her van into it and bounce back. She did it a couple of times but cars started coming. Two redneck guys came and about kicked my ass but I talked them out of it. The police came and they tried to arrest me because I now had the elastic net in the back of my car along with a pallet of fertilizer. I had to do some real good talking to get out of it. Beth and her grandkids laughed at me from across the street. I had to put out fires in the neighborhood that were starting in peoples pine needle mulch even though nobody around here uses it. There was an old Home Depot that was built over a river system that you could look down and see the water running. We were changing it into a Lowes. I met John Waters in an elevator so I asked him for his autograph. He signed my shirt and asked me up to his room for a signed picture. I said yes and we took a picture together. Mink Stole was there and we all took a picture together. He asked me if I wanted a cameo in a movie he was making in Schenectady. I said yes. I was so good he asked if I wanted a part in his movie. In the part, I ended up making out with this guy named Scott from work several times in the back of a convenience store John Waters ran down the street and they kept chasing us out. The premise of the movie was John Waters trying to get his preaching license. He ended up marrying us on the steps of city hall in 1970's blue tuxes at the end of the movie. The end of the movie panned in on my sock and the credits ran on them. I happen to see my friend Joe in a parking garage in New Orleans. We hung out and started looking at houses on the river front. Three story houses with the third floor at street level in the front and the first floor at river level in the back. We went in the front door and checked out empty apartments on the 3rd and 2nd floors. The steps were much like the basement steps of an old 1700's castle. We climbed down to the 1st floor that had no separate door and low and behold, we were in someone's luxurious apartment. The lady told us nobody uses the steep steps. They use the entrance on the river. Joe brings me to his apartment. We are then riding in his wife's convertible with her driving. I see an old nasty couch on fire hanging from some power lines. Before you know it, one of the flaming pillows lands in the back seat and scares me. Later, we are walking in an open field in late evening. We noticed smoke billowing from the moon but we saw no flames. All the sudden, with fantastic speed, the smoke started racing around the moon, soon covering the whole moon. With a jolt, the moon started racing toward the earth with supersonic speed. We hit the ground. By the time I told everybody I loved them, it was there. It only grazed the earth while passing. We estimated it tore through the Midwest. It was silent in passing. It was silent now...I woke up with my heart pounding. Went to a party at my friend Erik's house who I saw pumping gas. He had a lot of cars. My first ex-sister-in-law was there. Got woke up by the phone. My friend Michelle got us tickets to the Jenny Jones Show which
had just moved it’s headquarters to Schenectady on the Mohawk River. We
went to see the show but it was trash so I went to look around. It was
much like the old PTL village in it’s day before it was abandoned. As I
was walking around, this guy gave me back stage passes which included a
ride on Jenny’s yacht which was in The Mohawk River. After the show, we
walked to the shore which looked more like Lake Ontario than The Mohawk
River and it was glistening blue with a huge beach. You could see her
yacht which was the size of a cruise ship out in the water. I did not
know how we would get there. There were people swimming and I could see
Jenny Jones swimming too. I was wearing my 1980’s jams. All of the
sudden, the waves started getting really big and the people in the water
were struggling. Umpired a softball game in a small room packed with people with bases ten feet apart. The room had windows and everyone had on casual work clothes including my boss who was there. We were walking down the middle of State Street in Schenectady. They must have redone the street with concrete and taken down the railroad trestle as well and surfaced that area with concrete. There were homeless people everywhere, walking like Night Of The Living Dead. There was a sasquatch monster roaming the city. We were trying to get one off the top of our car while driving fast. An F-16 flew really low to knock it off the car. It ended up on the plane. As they flew in formation, another pilot noticed and took aggressive measures to knock it off. ***Please remember, these entries are written in the middle of the night while half asleep, so please, excuse the grammar. Actual
notepad from December 5, 2001
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