Last week the results of my blood test found nothing but I got my 24 hour urine test back today and it seems I still have too much protein in it. Thursday, I have the privilege of having a renal exam. Duncan says I should call my mom but I think I'll wait until I'm more positive because she has too much to worry about these days. She's a worrier anyway.

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Quite a few milestones this year, namely turning 40. But before that, this month is our 6th anniversary. Who'd  thought that 10 years ago? Kaleb will be 13 in a few months. I've had her since I was 27. My truck is 10 years old and our house is 100 years old this year.

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This weekend, I don't think I've ever felt so close to actually getting married. You see, even with everything happening with gay marriage lately, it all seemed so fake. Sure you can get a civil union in Vermont, a domestic partnership registration (or something like that) in California, or even get married in Massachusetts, but once you cross a state line, it has pretty much has no meaning. Fill out a federal form and it has no meaning. Though it hasn't received a lot of press, it seems New York may be the next state to legalize gay marriage. It may be a while because the ruling was immediately stayed until appeals and details can be worked out, and it may not happen at all, but it seems exciting to me for some reason. I'll take the faux marriage for now. It's a good start.

I had my renal ultrasound exam (as apposed to the renal exam which uses radioisotopes injected into a vein that I thought I was going to have) Thursday but haven't received my results back yet. I guess I'll be in touch tomorrow. I installed baseboard in the kitchen yesterday and if I must say, it looks really good. I put four pieces together rather than getting a precut one and I'm just super proud of myself. My neighbor gave me a special tool to help me cut the crown molding so maybe I'll attempt that this week. I've actually had a hard time comprehending it in my head no matter how many books I read or how many tapes I watch... and FYI, I have no interest in the SuperBowl this year.

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The results of my ultrasound came back normal so they're scheduling me an appointment with a nephrologist, a kidney doctor. I'm actually beginning to get tired of this running back and forth to the doctor's office. I am actually beginning to wish I didn't know anything about it because I just believe it to be nothing but I don't want to ignore it or wish it gone.

I've never wanted or cared to have a baby. I think toddlers and older kids are more fun. Really, honestly, babies just seem to make a lot of noise and keep you up at night. I'm sure you get attached to them and all but I'd rather teach a kid how to talk rather than to walk. They are so fragile. All BS aside, being a good parent seems so hard to me. I'd hate to have the responsibility of not fucking up a kid. I think my parents did a pretty good job with me and just look how fucked up I am. I don't have the patience all the time and I think a kid needs to be the number one thing in your life all the time. I'm not sure I could do this. You have to be involved in their life every day. You have to be involved with their school work every day. You have to teach them the skills to be successful in life including the ones you still haven't mastered. You can't be a hypocrite because kids eventually do what they see you do, not what you tell them to do. Today's realization: I could easily have a 21 year old kid. I could easily have a one month old. I am now the age my mom was when she had me.

We're getting ready to get smacked with some snow. I was getting so spoiled.

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There was a letter in the mailbox from 'The Propagation Of The Faith'. Seems they would like a contribution. The problem is that the addressee is dead. No, it's not the lady who lived here for 50 years before us who died last year, it was addressed to her husband who died in the early seventies. They really are propagating the faith.

I'm on my third bank account since I moved here two years ago. I just can't seem to get satisfied. I was with my former bank (First Citizens Rocks!) for what seemed like forever. May they stay independent and awesome forever. In December, I switched to Bank of America, based in my hometown, and have been pretty happy so far. May it be a long fruitful relationship.

The snow is a coming. I'm now getting prepared for no sleep as the snow plows speed up and down the road all night, but I ain't complaining.

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My kidneys are functioning properly...and the 8 to 12 inches of snow we were supposes to get turned out only to be a dusting. Nice, huh?

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Miss Peggy died today. That's the lady who lives a couple of houses down which Kaleb continuously whores treats off of. If there's a choice between coming to daddy or making her way through one neighbor's backyard to get to another to see Miss Peggy, she'll choose the latter. She spends her days outside sitting on one neighbor's back deck staring over the fence waiting for Miss Peggy to come out. It'll be sad to see Kaleb waiting for Miss Peggy to come outside. She won't be coming out anymore.

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Miss Peggy's death yesterday got me thinking, probably too much, about my folks this morning while lying in bed waiting to get up. If my dad were to go first, I think she'd be OK. She knows how to pay the bills and get things done. If she can't do it herself, she knows she can ask for help or pay someone to get it done. If she's hurting, she will tell someone about it. On the other hand, my dad is a really smart guy. His problem, not mentioning his dementia which is a problem in itself, he knows how to pay bills and hire someone to do a job around the house, he just won't do it. God forbid he has to clean something, he ain't gonna do it. Those have always been mom's jobs. He's doesn't like to complain if he's in pain, so I wonder if he'd ask for help if he needed it. Thank God they've got a great support system down there. They are surrounded by family and that's good but you have to ask for help before someone knows you need it.

We need to go see Miss Peggy's family today. I see all the cars of her kids are there this morning.

It's our anniversary. I love you man.

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I bought socks today and there was a Ziploc on the bag. Why would there be a Ziploc on a bag of socks like it's a bag of frozen vegetables? Is there a some sort of new trend of putting your dirty socks back in the resealable bag for future use or do you use one pair of socks at a time? And is it socks or sox?

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These are the two people I'm told I look like since I got new glasses, the Verizon guy and Adam Savage from Myth Busters. I take both as a compliment in a geeky sort of way. Duncan had to make a trip to North Carolina this weekend. They took his mom to the hospital and it was kind of iffy for a while. It still is I guess. Due to her cancer and other previous health problems, her lungs are very weak. She has developed pneumonia but does seem to be doing better, but not by much. I've seen her come back from farther down than this. They don't call her Big Mama for nothing. Ok, that's what I call her. I call my mom, "Mom". I call his mom, "Big Mama".

I got a renewal form for my North Carolina driver license today with this address preprinted on it. Come on guys, it's been almost two years. I actually renewed my two year New York registration yesterday. I'm thinking of sending in the North Carolina renewal and leaving this address on it.

The reason for the lack of updates resonates from the fact I've been busy. Nothing special mind you, just working on the kitchen and other things. We have taken some road trips including Hudson, NY. On weekends, it must be the gayest place in upstate New York. It's an old town filled with overpriced antique shops that homos from the city flock to on the weekends to bring stuff home with them. It does have one of the greatest Mexican restaurants though. Don't get me wrong, I love antique shops, I just think an antique shop needs a certain amount of junk to be interesting. It's like a flea market, some are great, some are awful.

Tomorrow the snow comes. We may get an inch, we may get a foot and a half.

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Predictions about this years American Idol. I don't know who'll win, but Constantine Maroulis and Nadia Turner are the top two I'm predicting. Nadia Turner I predicted from the first time I heard her.

Duncan's mom really isn't doing that much better today. She's surprised us many times before though. I think she just needs some time.

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28 February 2005

As you know, I keep a notepad by my bed to write down my dreams if I happen to wake up in the middle of them. I then copy them here. A lot of time, they make no sense, but that's the way I write them down in the middle of the night. The next morning, I see the notepad lying there and I remember that I have written in it even if I don't remember what I wrote. This morning, I woke up and the notepad was lying in the bed next to me and I have no clue when I put it there. I don't remember writing in it or what I wrote but this is what was in it.

Tonight we're expecting 10 or 15 inches of snow. That means I will be woke up many times tonight as the plow bangs it's way down the street. I will then have to get up in the dark and clear the driveway so I can go to work. I will be in such a good mood tomorrow.

On the Big Mama front, Duncan's mom is not doing any better. She's at home but on hospice care. They're still treating her pneumonia with anti-biotics but she doesn't seem to be responding. She mostly sleeps and is being feed intravenously. He may come home tomorrow depending on what happens tonight. I wish I were down there.

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