I sit here watching Big Fish (AGAIN!), and crying (AGAIN!). Why it sets me off every time I don't know. I think about my dad when I watch this movie. We were very disconnected when I was a kid, specifically my teenage years and reconnected in my early twenties. He seems to be doing well for the most part but I wonder how long that can continue. Before they put my mom under for her surgery last month, she told me that my dad couldn't take care of himself if something happened to her. After taking care of him for several days last month, I know that's true. One day, we're going to have to make some big decisions. I'm just not up for that kind of thing.

Yesterday at work, I walked into the break room and plopped my feet (really the back of my calves) up on the table and let out a sigh of relief. The bitter bitch sitting beside me whom I hardly know hatefully said, "Get you nasty feet, off the table". I said jokingly thinking she was joking, "My feet are clean" and she repeats, "I mean it, get your nasty feet off the table". Everybody just starred at her as the room went silent. I put down my feet and just looked at her. Nobody said anything. The strange thing is, this girl is skanky looking, not like she's that clean herself.

Duncan is still out of town, God I miss you baby.

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We live exactly two blocks from a college campus. Walking Kaleb today, we (I) decided to take a detour through campus and watch a bunch of guys playing soccer. May I ask where all these good looking guys come from because I surely don't remember seeing all of them when I was that age. I do think guys take better care of themselves these days more than we did, or at least the crowd I hung with, but even more so, I think guys, both straight and gay care a lot more about how they look whether they admit it or not.

I've got boys and breakfast on my mind.

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03 October 2005

The Square in Charlotte in the 1950's.

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08 October 2005

It's early...It's raining hard...It's 49 degrees here...It's 70 degrees 50 miles south...It's been two weeks since I've seen Duncan.

He's finally coming home this afternoon. Unfortunately, I won't be here. I think I did see him for a minute or two sometime in the past month so all day tomorrow has been declared Duncan Day, hopefully it won't be raining throughout. My mom just called and they've had 10 inches of rain from the system that's coming through here today. Their basement flooded so she was up late last night pushing water out. I stayed out much too late last night myself so I think I'm gonna join Kaleb on the couch for a nap.

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11 October 2005

We were in a garage as he said he knows what he has to do. He says give me your stuff and I said no. Another guy from a motorcycle comes in and I run to the other side of this huge garage to get a gun. He pulls his gun and I pull mine. I shoot three times. The bullets go in slow motion. The third one hits. They all go in slow motion. I see the expression on his face as the bullet goes toward his forehead. It hits him. I then aim toward the motorcycle dude and shoot him. I used all six bullets. They are both dead I suspect. I run into the woods really fast to call police and hide until they get there.

Strange night that was.

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14 October 2005

I was standing outside work with this 19 year old kid yesterday and we were talking about ourselves and he asked me if I was married. I gave him the normal response, "No, I'm gay and I have a man at home". I then had to convince him that I'm gay. About that time, a woman started screaming at some guy driving beside her in a Cadillac. She would go up to his window, scream at him, and start walking away as he followed her. They did this over and over again, putting on a public display for everyone. He said he wondered why people act like that and I responded that was probably how they were brought up. The cycle just kind of repeats itself. The then said, "That's so gay". I hate that fucking saying. I'm glad it seems to be going away. I said, "Why is that gay?...what the hell does that mean anyway? If it were two guys butt fucking on the trunk of the car or maybe going down on him...or two girls making out, you might say, that's so gay. If you see some gay porn or a big gay flag, you might say, that's so gay. A guy and some piece of trash girl arguing at the top of their lungs in the middle of the parking lot is not gay." He just looked at me dumfounded and said I guess you're right.

It's raining again for the eighth day in a row.

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Damn getting hit in the head by a 2x4. Damn having blood gush out of my forehead. Damn having to go to the hospital. Damn having to wait four hours in the waiting room because they had several major traumas including someone getting killed by a car in their own parking deck. Damn, damn, damn, having to listen to this crazy bitch with four kids who she thought had pink eye but did not bitch the whole time she was in there. Damn having 11 stitches put in my head. Damn having half my head numb all day.

I guess I could mention the pretty paramedic guys who worked on me. Thanks guys. I called work this morning to let them know I was OK and everyone thinks I was taken away in an ambulance which I wasn't. How rumors spread. And the reason I just didn't leave and go somewhere else was because it was a workers comp case and I didn't want to risk screwing that up. I guess I'm lucky. I could've been the mail carrier that broke his arm falling through some stairs that collapsed as he delivered the mail. He waited five hours.

The previous owner of our house lived here for more than 50 years. She died in 2003. Last week, one of her daughters called and told me that all three of her sisters would be in town this week and the four of them wanted to walk through the house. I said I had no problem so they're gonna be coming over Friday. I intend to get all the answers I've been wanting to know about this old house.

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22 October 2005

The four girls (women) who grew up in our house along with their husbands came by yesterday for a quick (hour long) visit. It was interesting to hear all their stories of the house and their growing up here. Most of the questions that I asked that began with why were answered with, "because she was cheap". I knew that though from listening to the neighbors. The tales of her suing everyone who ever worked for her are also true. I got the son-in-law version of her, too. They showed me a picture of them all in the living room when they were kids (the oldest is 60) though it is minus the parents.

Congratulations to me, my stitches should come out Monday. And congratulations to my friends Michael and Lara who have been trying so long to adopt a child. They brought their new baby home yesterday. What good parents I know they'll be.

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24 October 2005

I'm stitch free as of this morning. That's after another trip to the emergency room yesterday morning after I woke up and the area around the wound seemed to be swollen. I was a little worried but the doc insured me that everything was OK. Probably just a little bit of infection under the skin. Some antibiotics and I'm out the door. No wait this time.

Look at that baby. That's Lara and Michael's new baby. It's pretty dam cute, hey? I stuck a picture of Kaleb in just so she doesn't get pissed. She's pretty cute, too.

I just noticed we started working on the kitchen a year ago and it's still not finished. Yea, much closer now than then but it's been a year. I ordered flooring today. After that, we can stamp it DONE...for the time being. FYI, Duncan's already started proposing ideas for the bathrooms.

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25 October 2005

I'm so unmotivated for Halloween this year. I don't know why. Our next door neighbors decorate for Halloween in the middle of September every year. Usually I wait until the last day, but this year, I feel no inclination to do anything. I guess we'll hand out goodies but not much else. The house above is not decorated for Halloween by the way. It belongs to a crazy man in Cary, NC. I'll post all the pictures one day.

Today was also a pro Olivia Newton John day, not that it's ever a negative Olivia Newton John day. I've been singing Olivia songs all day and it made me remember going to see Grease at The Manor when I was a little kid. All those boys in shirts with the sleeves cut off...but I digress. There are certain movies I remember everything about when I went to see them and some I'm sure I don't remember seeing at all. Star Wars at The Capri, The Empire Strikes Back at Park Terrace, and Jaws at The Village.

How'd we miss this place on our cross country trip?

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29 October 2005

George Takei, Star Trek's Sulu in case you don't know, revealed he's gay. Not such a big surprise but it makes you wonder how many stars (I hate that word) are out there who are gay. With the way the press hounds famous people, you'd think having a partner for 18 years would not be such an easy thing to hide. I suppose The Celluloid Closet still exist in a big way...We're waiting Matt Damon...I remember the days of me getting up and going to work and not being totally honest with my friends and coworkers about who I was. It sucked. That was a long time ago and I'll never go back. On the work front, my employer is starting to offer domestic partner benefits. It's not something that I'll need to take advantage of but as pissed off at that place as I can get sometimes, it offers up a nice refreshing taste in my mouth.

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31 October 2005

I don't have a Halloween picture this year so I went back a few years for one. That's me in the middle, kindergarten I believe. Notice the still lingering head tilt that I still have today. It says, "Look at me, I'm gonna be a big homo when I grow up"...and I am. I can't get into the whole Halloween thing this year, I don't know why, I'm kinda tired. I think Duncan must have bought twenty bags of candy to give out. I just want to eat it all.

We have hundreds of channels and there's nothing on TV though I am reminded how I love Tracey Ullman.

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